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Friday 29 March 2013

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Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

by t.hughes / 04/01/2013 at 10:50am / United States / Love

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

by Hellosinglelife / 03/28/2013 at 6:35pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Saint George) / Love

Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML

by unknown / 03/30/2013 at 3:02pm / France / Love

Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML

by CoolStoryBro / 03/29/2013 at 4:23am / Work

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Work

Today, my German Shepherd decided to bark at, then attack, a painted rock. At least I know I'm protected from inanimate objects. FML

by whykarma / 03/26/2013 at 5:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

by CrazyBitch / 04/04/2013 at 4:20am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because of a tattoo I have. It's a small teddy bear on my leg with my parents' names on it. My workplace has no problems with tattoos, but my boss said it was "unoriginal and lame." It's a memorial tattoo; my parents died last year. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2013 at 10:54am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Work

Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since we had to cancel it last year. I looked everything up and got all excited. Just when I asked him for payment information, he said "April Fools!" April Fools was two days ago. FML

by letdown13 / 04/03/2013 at 12:50pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2013 at 1:23am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 1:37am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

by QuinnyZebrass / 04/02/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

by slightlyworried / 04/05/2013 at 1:28am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous