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Friday 29 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

#20559057
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33434) - you deserved it (4473)

On 03/25/2013 at 3:18am - animals - by Apes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

#20576240
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44073) - you deserved it (4416)

On 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm - health - by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god (man) - Singapore

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

#20559530
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39924) - you deserved it (4236)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by f-ugly - United States

Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML

#20565101
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33503) - you deserved it (4178)

On 03/29/2013 at 7:12am - love - by artist (woman) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

#20569420
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36902) - you deserved it (4120)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by aabadaba (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after my boyfriend promised he wasn't cheating on me, I ran into him at our favorite coffee shop with the girl I suspected him of cheating with. When I confronted them, he acted like he didn't know me. FML

#20561087
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49435) - you deserved it (4035)

On 03/26/2013 at 3:04pm - love - by Megan - United States

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

#20571483
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32568) - you deserved it (3902)

On 04/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by moosemay (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

#20575072
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42708) - you deserved it (3860)

On 04/04/2013 at 6:52pm - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

#20574572
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46412) - you deserved it (3859)

On 04/04/2013 at 11:12am - misc - by NotASize0 (woman) - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

#20569989
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37587) - you deserved it (3853)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:17pm - love - by tkrause - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML

#20562542
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56015) - you deserved it (3791)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:55pm - love - by soontobesingle (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML

#20569932
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35657) - you deserved it (3786)

On 04/01/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by CrimsonAmaryllis (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML



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