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Friday 29 March 2013

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Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML

by paulinapo / 03/28/2013 at 9:52am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

by jll14 / 03/31/2013 at 6:27pm / Malaysia (Sabah) / Miscellaneous

Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

by effiestonem154 / 04/02/2013 at 5:14pm / United States / Work

Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2013 at 12:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my friend's birthday, so I baked him a cake complete with his name written on it in homemade frosting. After I gave it to him, his mother berated me for it, saying I should have checked with her first before making a cake for her son. He's 28. FML

by JaneDoe / 04/03/2013 at 10:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

by Appelflap / 03/29/2013 at 6:18pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work while near a cigarette tray outside, a man said, "Thanks for polluting our environment!" All I could say was, "What?" He then said "I'm speaking English you know!" I was cleaning the cigarette tray at the time, don't smoke at all, and was born here. FML

by TVKill3r / 03/28/2013 at 8:57pm / United States / Work

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Work

Today, I went for my daily post-op doctor's appointment, where I was told I can resume normal activities. Which was handy when I came home to half-an-inch of water throughout my apartment, due to my washing machine drainage pipe coming undone while I was gone. FML

by Soggy Sophia / 03/27/2013 at 11:44am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2013 at 4:34pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

by ak_6694 / 04/02/2013 at 9:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to the bank to find out why they've taken $200 from me. By the time I show them my bank card, ID and tell them my problem, they accuse me of stealing my own identity, and refuse to give me my money back. FML

by arsenicalhumor / 03/26/2013 at 9:37pm / Canada (Quebec) / Money

Today, for my birthday, the only "gift" my parents gave me was the gift of choice: I got to choose which one of them I'll be living with after their upcoming divorce. This was the first time I'd heard anything about a divorce. FML

by HappyBirthdayISuppose / 04/01/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous