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Thursday 28 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

#20575140
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39682) - you deserved it (3533)

On 04/04/2013 at 7:55pm - kids - by icanthearyou (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was cast as beast in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. My Grandma's input? "At least they won't need any makeup." FML

#20566521
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33285) - you deserved it (3432)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Beast - United States (Ohio)

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

#20562040
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34149) - you deserved it (3358)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:29am - work - by apparentlytoougly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

#20569834
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46927) - you deserved it (3300)

On 04/01/2013 at 10:50am - love - by t.hughes (woman) - United States

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

#20561443
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32076) - you deserved it (3297)

On 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

#20564269
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47003) - you deserved it (3288)

On 03/28/2013 at 6:35pm - love - by Hellosinglelife (man) - Trinidad and Tobago (Saint George)

Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML

#20567033
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45220) - you deserved it (3237)

On 03/30/2013 at 3:02pm - love - by unknown - France

Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML

#20565029
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36552) - you deserved it (3176)

On 03/29/2013 at 4:23am - work - by CoolStoryBro -

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

#20574330
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29870) - you deserved it (3108)

On 04/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by CrazyBitch - United States (California)

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

#20570966
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44242) - you deserved it (3103)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:11am - work - by QuinnyZebrass (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my German Shepherd decided to bark at, then attack, a painted rock. At least I know I'm protected from inanimate objects. FML

#20561241
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27405) - you deserved it (3096)

On 03/26/2013 at 5:17pm - animals - by whykarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

#20572312
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34668) - you deserved it (3096)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML

#20564887
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36248) - you deserved it (3084)

On 03/29/2013 at 1:37am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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