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Thursday 28 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML

#20569932
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33206) - you deserved it (3549)

On 04/01/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by CrimsonAmaryllis (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

#20572695
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41813) - you deserved it (3506)

On 04/03/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by fuck YOLO - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

#20566302
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41580) - you deserved it (3486) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/29/2013 at 9:29pm - love - by Badam - France (Aquitaine)

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

#20569989
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32942) - you deserved it (3470)

On 04/01/2013 at 1:17pm - love - by tkrause - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML

#20560819
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30266) - you deserved it (3467)

On 03/26/2013 at 10:22am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

#20575072
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38099) - you deserved it (3417)

On 04/04/2013 at 6:52pm - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

#20571214
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32205) - you deserved it (3379)

On 04/02/2013 at 3:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML

#20562542
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50662) - you deserved it (3371)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:55pm - love - by soontobesingle (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML

#20567746
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47556) - you deserved it (3357)

On 03/31/2013 at 12:34am - intimacy - by Maybe I'll stay longer than spring break. - United States (Virginia)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

#20562430
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41620) - you deserved it (3321)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML

#20568124
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39822) - you deserved it (3313)

On 03/31/2013 at 9:32am - kids - by The_Black_Jesus - United States

Today, I was cast as beast in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. My Grandma's input? "At least they won't need any makeup." FML

#20566521
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31824) - you deserved it (3308)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Beast - United States (Ohio)



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