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Monday 25 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

#20562925
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9608) - you deserved it (69124)

On 03/27/2013 at 9:02pm - misc - by Hahamaster333 -

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

#20559522
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10476) - you deserved it (63176)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

#20566415
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15191) - you deserved it (56680)

On 03/30/2013 at 1:19am - kids - by crunknasty - United States (California)

Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML

#20563782
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20072) - you deserved it (54639)

On 03/28/2013 at 12:24pm - love - by not funny but :( (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

#20566988
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21430) - you deserved it (52395)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)

Today, after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up my iPhone in my room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized my phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML

#20561054
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16926) - you deserved it (42497)

On 03/26/2013 at 2:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

#20570299
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18942) - you deserved it (42163)

On 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Marco (man) - United States

Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML

#20564827
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16866) - you deserved it (33105)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I showed my aunt and mother my tattoo. They both burst out laughing. FML

#20562807
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13244) - you deserved it (31293)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:17pm - misc - by anon - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

#20563419
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41142) - you deserved it (23361)

On 03/28/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by couch_potato (man) -

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

#20564779
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44382) - you deserved it (20113)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

#20564361
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43503) - you deserved it (18783)

On 03/28/2013 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by Hooker (woman) - United States

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

#20561915
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40023) - you deserved it (18227)

On 03/27/2013 at 1:04am - health - by first time at McDonald's in months... - United States



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