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Thursday 21 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

#20552676
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30315) - you deserved it (23948)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:53pm - animals - by SolaceInRage (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

#20563419
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41142) - you deserved it (23361)

On 03/28/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by couch_potato (man) -

Today, a few months after my co-worker had stopped wearing her engagement ring, I decided to put on the moves and start flirting with her. I soon found out that her fiancé had died, and that she's nowhere near over him, despite her brave face. I feel like a total asshole. FML

#20558292
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45175) - you deserved it (23255)

On 03/24/2013 at 5:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

#20550602
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49334) - you deserved it (22044)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML

#20553379
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39929) - you deserved it (20234)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

#20564361
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43503) - you deserved it (18783)

On 03/28/2013 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by Hooker (woman) - United States

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

#20561915
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40025) - you deserved it (18227)

On 03/27/2013 at 1:04am - health - by first time at McDonald's in months... - United States

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

#20555435
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37896) - you deserved it (18132)

On 03/22/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

#20563680
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68529) - you deserved it (17358)

On 03/28/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by everyoneheard (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

#20553362
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41366) - you deserved it (17169)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:01am - intimacy - by meeee (woman) - United States

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

#20564455
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39896) - you deserved it (17015)

On 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

#20550170
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31838) - you deserved it (16037)

On 03/18/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by amberrenee91 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

#20564125
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35744) - you deserved it (16014)

On 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)



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