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Thursday 21 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71285) - you deserved it (6070)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I finally came out to my family as a lesbian. My grandma then told me I'm just going through a phase because I finally realized I'm not pretty or skinny enough to get a man. FML

#20557644
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35463) - you deserved it (6014)

On 03/24/2013 at 6:20am - misc - by theawesome129 - Canada

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

#20555528
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40185) - you deserved it (5993)

On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48210) - you deserved it (5881)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

#20557546
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28018) - you deserved it (5845)

On 03/24/2013 at 3:35am - love - by whatchagonnado - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

#20553373
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44176) - you deserved it (5763)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:25am - misc - by me (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I was complaining to my husband about a busty but vapid celebrity, and he replied, "She doesn't need brains, honey, she has boobs. You wouldn't understand." FML

#20557361
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31015) - you deserved it (5759)

On 03/24/2013 at 1:14am - love - by Beestings (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

#20552149
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40478) - you deserved it (5679)

On 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

#20551973
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40071) - you deserved it (5631)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:07am - intimacy - by Why son, why? (man) - United States

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

#20559101
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31517) - you deserved it (5575)

On 03/25/2013 at 4:48am - money - by PrayingForMoney - United States (California)

Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML

#20562509
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37205) - you deserved it (5460)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm - misc - by InfamousLastWord (woman) - United States

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27414) - you deserved it (5319)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)



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