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Monday 18 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

#20555528
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40183) - you deserved it (5993)

On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48210) - you deserved it (5881)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

#20557546
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28017) - you deserved it (5845)

On 03/24/2013 at 3:35am - love - by whatchagonnado - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

#20553373
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44169) - you deserved it (5763)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:25am - misc - by me (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I was complaining to my husband about a busty but vapid celebrity, and he replied, "She doesn't need brains, honey, she has boobs. You wouldn't understand." FML

#20557361
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31011) - you deserved it (5759)

On 03/24/2013 at 1:14am - love - by Beestings (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

#20552149
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40472) - you deserved it (5679)

On 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

#20551973
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40064) - you deserved it (5631)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:07am - intimacy - by Why son, why? (man) - United States

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

#20559101
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31516) - you deserved it (5575)

On 03/25/2013 at 4:48am - money - by PrayingForMoney - United States (California)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27414) - you deserved it (5319)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my picture from a dating profile was so "hilarious" that people have been posting it on Instagram with mean captions. FML

#20557606
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35723) - you deserved it (5304)

On 03/24/2013 at 4:59am - misc - by And I'm still single - United States (California)

Today, I was at a goodbye dinner with friends before I move back to America. A friend called to cry over relationship problems she refuses to fix. While I was outside trying to politely get off the phone, my friends ate and drank everything I'd ordered and closed the bill. FML

#20559208
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28816) - you deserved it (5271)

On 03/25/2013 at 9:13am - misc - by sorryyouweregone - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML

#20559514
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33012) - you deserved it (5181)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:25pm - misc - by grossed out - United Kingdom (Peterborough)



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