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Monday 18 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

#20553362
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36624) - you deserved it (15865)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:01am - intimacy - by meeee (woman) - United States

Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

#20550170
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30271) - you deserved it (15469)

On 03/18/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by amberrenee91 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

#20550602
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40727) - you deserved it (15367)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

#20548943
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45072) - you deserved it (13554)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

#20553692
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47219) - you deserved it (11115)

On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I bought an expensive razor that's supposed to be great. My roommate asked if she could borrow it, and as her legs just looked like they needed touching up, I said sure. After a strangely long amount of time, she came back, thanked me and left. Her legs were still hairy. FML

#20557395
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33900) - you deserved it (11029)

On 03/24/2013 at 1:30am - misc - by bleach (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML

#20553352
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47227) - you deserved it (10895)

On 03/21/2013 at 5:42am - kids - by seamonkeys - United States

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

#20559000
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31467) - you deserved it (10583)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I spent three hours painstakingly installing and configuring some parental control software on my 11-year-old son's laptop after I caught him watching porn. Barely an hour after returning the laptop, I caught him watching yet more porn on it. FML

#20557646
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26004) - you deserved it (9562)

On 03/24/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

#20552465
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35401) - you deserved it (9497)

On 03/20/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by bobthenun - United States (California)

Today, my guinea pig was resting on my shoulder. However, I forgot to tie my hair up and she gnawed off a clump of it that was a good 6 inches long. I had to fight her to get it out of her mouth. FML

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

#20555936
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34173) - you deserved it (8828)

On 03/23/2013 at 1:44am - love - by SierraDiaz2097 - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

#20558472
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30978) - you deserved it (8318)

On 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm - love - by fuckyoutoo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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