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Friday 15 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

#20548943
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45072) - you deserved it (13554)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:59am - intimacy - by Susan (woman) - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

#20553692
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47219) - you deserved it (11115)

On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML

#20553352
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47227) - you deserved it (10895)

On 03/21/2013 at 5:42am - kids - by seamonkeys - United States

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

#20552465
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35401) - you deserved it (9497)

On 03/20/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by bobthenun - United States (California)

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

#20543527
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36811) - you deserved it (9273)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, in an attempt to break up with my boyfriend, I told him, "I don't feel a mental connection between us." His reply? "Why do we need a mental connection?" FML

#20548471
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25052) - you deserved it (9198)

On 03/17/2013 at 10:45pm - love - by just physical - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

#20543433
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44042) - you deserved it (9004)

On 03/14/2013 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML

#20543666
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25547) - you deserved it (8268)

On 03/14/2013 at 5:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

#20544221
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30648) - you deserved it (8203)

On 03/15/2013 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

#20540360
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23271) - you deserved it (8049)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that from now on during sex, I have to be on top at all times, saying I need the exercise more than him. As offensive as this was, I was actually happy because he's crap on top. FML

#20549126
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42059) - you deserved it (7969)

On 03/18/2013 at 10:36am - intimacy - by Ann (woman) - United States

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

#20550446
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35312) - you deserved it (7893) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm - love - by inconnue - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

#20552081
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26500) - you deserved it (7792)

On 03/20/2013 at 10:31am - work - by missedfistbump - United States



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