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Thursday 14 March 2013

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Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

by anonymous / 03/20/2013 at 1:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was walking with my boyfriend, holding hands, a woman began screaming at us about how we "f*ggots" are "ruining America." I'm a girl. FML

by Too manly / 03/20/2013 at 12:54am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I woke up to my cat giving birth, on my bed. I adopted her from a friend, who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

by DommeAshlee / 03/21/2013 at 2:42pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

by lonely girl / 03/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States / Love

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 03/17/2013 at 3:09pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 7:22pm / United States / Love

Today, after three years with my boyfriend hardly ever going to any social or public event with me due to his social anxiety, I got to witness him improve his flirting skills on every girl available at his house party. FML

by social anxiety my a** / 03/18/2013 at 10:17am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Love

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I really feel about her, due in no small part to how flirty she's been towards me lately. Turns out she's really just a skank and was trying to make my best friend "jealous". He's gay. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2013 at 4:43pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2013 at 1:19am / United States / Love

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

by :( / 03/19/2013 at 4:12pm / United States (South Carolina) / Holidays

Today, I woke up with a giant red rash all over my face, so puffed up that I could hardly open my eyes. The doctor said it was probably from some of the compounds found in most makeup. I'm just getting into theatre and have auditions coming up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2013 at 2:42pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML

by nomorecleaning / 03/16/2013 at 8:17am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous