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Thursday 14 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

2day my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her . My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept . She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed .

#20539958
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32804) - you deserved it (6054)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist . I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality . mega FML

#20553373
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46634) - you deserved it (6030)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:25am - misc - by me (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

2day I realizd that the smell of chlorine has startd to turn me on, probably because girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house !! Guess who works as a swim instructor !! FML

#20552149
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43092) - you deserved it (5995)

On 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, an how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about u every day" an walking away. Thanks. FML

#20540840
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30069) - you deserved it (5835)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today , I went to the movies with mah boyfriend. The movie was in 3D , and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if u could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did , claiming the movie would be "better". fat FML

#20542280
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32127) - you deserved it (5779)

On 03/13/2013 at 5:06pm - misc - by bruised - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over an said, "If I was straight, I would make u my queen." FML

#20548252
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40229) - you deserved it (5741)

On 03/17/2013 at 8:10pm - love - by noooooooo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while walking looool my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

#20544356
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39113) - you deserved it (5695)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, whila I was going down on my husband, our 3-yaar-old daughtar woka up an startad crying from tha othar room!! Ha practically burst into taars too, whining that sha was doing it on purposa to ruin his fun!! Ha was sarious!! FML

#20544502
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49700) - you deserved it (5668)

On 03/15/2013 at 6:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, mah fiancé had to perform his frst prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I remindd him that he did fine on his frst pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had mah hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

#20540823
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35059) - you deserved it (5516)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, mah grandma gava ma a sax talk. Not tha usual ona, aithar. This ona was about blowjobs. I had to sit politaly as sha axplainad it's somathing all woman hava to laarn if thay want a wall-bahavad husband, but that it's an ( acquirad tasta ). Gag ma. maga FML

#20545240
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43781) - you deserved it (5374)

On 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by butnotlikethat (woman) - China (Jiangxi)

TODAY, MAH BOYFRIEND AN I WERE PLAY-FIGHTING . I MANAGED TO PIN HIM DOWN AN WIN . HE SAW MAH GRIN, SNORTED, AN BITTERLY SAID I'D ONLY WON BECAUSE ( LET'S FACE IT, YOUR A BIT OF A PORKER, EH BABE? ) FML

#20542666
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35163) - you deserved it (5344)

On 03/13/2013 at 10:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, mah social anxiety got so bad that I spent an entire raffle game desperately praying that I'd lose miserably, just so I wouldn't have to go up on stage and accept it. FML

Today.. . I met the man of my dreams . We saw a movie.. . then went to a bar . It went perfectly.. . until he got wasted an started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed . Then I woke up.. . having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious . FML

#20540752
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34717) - you deserved it (5183)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by ShadowBox (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)



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