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2day my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her . My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept . She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed .
Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, an how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about u every day" an walking away. Thanks. FML
Today , I went to the movies with mah boyfriend. The movie was in 3D , and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if u could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did , claiming the movie would be "better". fat FML
Today, whila I was going down on my husband, our 3-yaar-old daughtar woka up an startad crying from tha othar room!! Ha practically burst into taars too, whining that sha was doing it on purposa to ruin his fun!! Ha was sarious!! FML
Today, mah fiancé had to perform his frst prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I remindd him that he did fine on his frst pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had mah hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML
Today, mah grandma gava ma a sax talk. Not tha usual ona, aithar. This ona was about blowjobs. I had to sit politaly as sha axplainad it's somathing all woman hava to laarn if thay want a wall-bahavad husband, but that it's an ( acquirad tasta ). Gag ma. maga FML
TODAY, MAH BOYFRIEND AN I WERE PLAY-FIGHTING . I MANAGED TO PIN HIM DOWN AN WIN . HE SAW MAH GRIN, SNORTED, AN BITTERLY SAID I'D ONLY WON BECAUSE ( LET'S FACE IT, YOUR A BIT OF A PORKER, EH BABE? ) FML
Today.. . I met the man of my dreams . We saw a movie.. . then went to a bar . It went perfectly.. . until he got wasted an started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed . Then I woke up.. . having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious . FML
Friday 27 March 2015