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Thursday 7 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40689) - you deserved it (3938)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

#20531724
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31209) - you deserved it (3930)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:08am - misc - by goodgrief (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

#20532338
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30203) - you deserved it (3800)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

#20533491
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27129) - you deserved it (3796)

On 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm - kids - by ProudMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML

#20533390
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32347) - you deserved it (3751)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:53am - health - by ghgfd - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

#20534087
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30044) - you deserved it (3714)

On 03/06/2013 at 10:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

#20538482
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33398) - you deserved it (3709)

On 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML

#20537344
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22386) - you deserved it (3706)

On 03/09/2013 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38873) - you deserved it (3675)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

#20542468
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37385) - you deserved it (3657)

On 03/13/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

#20538966
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38453) - you deserved it (3564)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:17am - love - by lonely girl - United States

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22956) - you deserved it (3530)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

#20540391
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29676) - you deserved it (3525)

On 03/12/2013 at 1:19am - love - by Anonymous - United States



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