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Thursday 7 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

#20540840
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30803) - you deserved it (5915)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

#20540823
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38066) - you deserved it (5862)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

#20532338
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38111) - you deserved it (5695)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML

#20536683
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43427) - you deserved it (5676)

On 03/09/2013 at 3:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

#20542666
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36245) - you deserved it (5538)

On 03/13/2013 at 10:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30445) - you deserved it (5313)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

#20535997
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36362) - you deserved it (5299)

On 03/08/2013 at 4:22pm - love - by Kiki (woman) - Poland (Malopolskie)

Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML

#20537344
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29411) - you deserved it (5288)

On 03/09/2013 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

#20532270
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37144) - you deserved it (5086)

On 03/05/2013 at 1:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

#20538059
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43977) - you deserved it (5041)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm - love - by Raiden (man) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

#20541069
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37286) - you deserved it (4748)

On 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm - kids - by um... maybe (man) - United Kingdom

Today, instead of actually teaching us something, our college professor excitedly showed us the godawful Harlem Shake video he made with his friends. FML

#20533295
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33104) - you deserved it (4692)

On 03/06/2013 at 6:51am - work - by Will this stupid fad ever end? (man) - United States



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