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Thursday 7 March 2013

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Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

by marisacb / 03/13/2013 at 2:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML

by kenleybunch / 03/12/2013 at 9:22am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, while on a crowded public bus, a cute girl asked if she could sit next to me. Problem is, I didn't hear correctly and thought she asked if anyone was sitting next to me. I answered no, causing her to walk off angrily and earning me several disgusted stares from other passengers. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2013 at 9:23am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Transportation

Today, I was walking to my professor's office. I've had an upset stomach all week, and I still felt a little gassy, so I politely decided to pass gass before entering the room. More than just gas came out. FML

Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding at the natural foods market. It's the first time I've seen a woman's nipple in over two years. I've been married for ten. FML

by themouseman1212 / 03/10/2013 at 12:13pm / United States / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend got angry and threatened to dump me, all because I wouldn't give in to his demands not to go to a birthday sleepover with my friends. He seriously thinks it's going to turn into some kind of lesbian orgy and that I'll cheat on him. Thanks, PornHub. FML

by wow / 03/14/2013 at 11:43am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

by shittysongs / 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

by married an old man / 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML

by Thankshun / 03/04/2013 at 6:03pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

by Amanda / 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm / Canada / Kids

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2013 at 7:32pm / Ireland / Kids

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

by nopanties / 03/04/2013 at 12:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML

by bruised / 03/13/2013 at 5:06pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous