Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Wednesday 6 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML

#20537344
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27281) - you deserved it (5037)

On 03/09/2013 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

#20532270
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35533) - you deserved it (4932)

On 03/05/2013 at 1:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

#20538059
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42187) - you deserved it (4893)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm - love - by Raiden (man) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML

#20541897
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38046) - you deserved it (4500)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

#20541069
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34655) - you deserved it (4471)

On 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm - kids - by um... maybe (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

#20531724
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37089) - you deserved it (4467)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:08am - misc - by goodgrief (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my husband was arrested for having sex in public. FML

#20538233
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45539) - you deserved it (4453)

On 03/10/2013 at 2:50pm - love - by ifhehadadickforaheaditdbefuckingsmall (woman) - Cyprus (Nicosia)

Today, instead of actually teaching us something, our college professor excitedly showed us the godawful Harlem Shake video he made with his friends. FML

#20533295
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30721) - you deserved it (4449)

On 03/06/2013 at 6:51am - work - by Will this stupid fad ever end? (man) - United States

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

#20541893
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40079) - you deserved it (4444)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46082) - you deserved it (4427)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

#20531130
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34166) - you deserved it (4355)

On 03/04/2013 at 5:24pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

#20533491
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29922) - you deserved it (4095)

On 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm - kids - by ProudMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML

#20533390
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35554) - you deserved it (4061)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:53am - health - by ghgfd - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: