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Wednesday 6 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML

#20537344
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30267) - you deserved it (5364)

On 03/09/2013 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

#20532270
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38352) - you deserved it (5221)

On 03/05/2013 at 1:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

#20538059
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44608) - you deserved it (5094)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm - love - by Raiden (man) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

#20541069
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38131) - you deserved it (4823)

On 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm - kids - by um... maybe (man) - United Kingdom

Today, instead of actually teaching us something, our college professor excitedly showed us the godawful Harlem Shake video he made with his friends. FML

#20533295
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34003) - you deserved it (4777)

On 03/06/2013 at 6:51am - work - by Will this stupid fad ever end? (man) - United States

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

#20531724
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39650) - you deserved it (4739)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:08am - misc - by goodgrief (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my husband was arrested for having sex in public. FML

#20538233
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48819) - you deserved it (4720)

On 03/10/2013 at 2:50pm - love - by ifhehadadickforaheaditdbefuckingsmall (woman) - Cyprus (Nicosia)

Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML

#20541897
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39566) - you deserved it (4684)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

#20531130
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37382) - you deserved it (4671)

On 03/04/2013 at 5:24pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

#20541893
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42113) - you deserved it (4619)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47724) - you deserved it (4580)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

#20533491
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32980) - you deserved it (4424)

On 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm - kids - by ProudMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

#20534087
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35571) - you deserved it (4238)

On 03/06/2013 at 10:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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