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Friday 1 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

#20529319
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26177) - you deserved it (5576)

On 03/03/2013 at 11:05am - love - by nerdgirlmickey (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I'm so poor that I've been scrounging around my house all day trying to find quarters and dimes so that I can buy myself a cup of coffee tomorrow. FML

#20521315
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22504) - you deserved it (5517)

On 02/25/2013 at 3:39am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

#20532214
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37348) - you deserved it (5387)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

#20523671
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42457) - you deserved it (5359)

On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

#20527880
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34826) - you deserved it (5276)

On 03/02/2013 at 8:31am - love - by OhNo - United States (Virginia)

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

#20529430
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30757) - you deserved it (5219)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States

Today, while at the nail salon, my boyfriend called. Since I was getting my nails done, I had to put him on speaker. The whole salon heard him break up with me. I can still hear their snickering in my head. FML

#20521938
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27005) - you deserved it (5216)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by HeatherRosure18 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

#20527203
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58513) - you deserved it (5090)

On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)

Today, I found out that the man I just married doesn't want to have children. We had this conversation multiple times with no problems before getting married, but now he would "rather die" than have children, because according to him, they would ruin his life. FML

#20527672
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29922) - you deserved it (4989)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:05am - love - by bummer.. (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

#20532270
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34089) - you deserved it (4802)

On 03/05/2013 at 1:57pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to be nice, I sat with the lonely kid at lunch. While eating, he started laughing and showed me his hit list. I was at the top. FML

#20524308
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28701) - you deserved it (4743)

On 02/27/2013 at 11:43am - misc - by dangerZone - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

#20535997
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30369) - you deserved it (4659)

On 03/08/2013 at 4:22pm - love - by Kiki (woman) - Poland (Malopolskie)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. I also found out that her sister is an MMA fighter. She put me in an extremely strong chokehold until I took the break-up back. FML

#20530332
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31953) - you deserved it (4527)

On 03/03/2013 at 11:47pm - love - by she also gave me a wedgie (man) - United States (California)



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