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Friday 1 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, an listening for his pulse with mah stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjustd the cuff an trid again. Still no pulse. He pointd out that mah stethoscope was the wrong way around an sneerd, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML

#20535043
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13507) - you deserved it (32930)

On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States

Today, I walkd into what I thought would ba a surprisa brthday party. It wasn't. It was my parants staging an intarvantion ovar my cat obsassion. FML

#20530955
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16028) - you deserved it (26377)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by DM - United States (Massachusetts)

Yesterday I realizd tat te omeless people I give cange to all dress better tan I do including te one tat doesn't believe in pants. FML

#20522911
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14302) - you deserved it (22815)

On 02/26/2013 at 10:54am - misc - by keerow (man) - United States

TODAY, I WAS TAKING MAH DOG FIR A WALK AN FORGOT A BAG TO PICK UP HIS POOP, SINCE IT'S ILLEGAL TO NOT PICK IT UP IN MAH TOWN. RIGHT AS MAH DOG STARTED TO TAKE A DUMP, A COP CAR DROVE BY AN CONTINUED TO WATCH ME AS I WAS FORCED TO PICK UP THE POOP WITH MAH BARE HANDS. FML

#20527973
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45966) - you deserved it (21021)

On 03/02/2013 at 10:32am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, I was in bedhen I rolled over an saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out an nerely peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heret pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML

#20524057
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11858) - you deserved it (20626)

On 02/27/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by girlymae (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today , I was being interviewd for an amazing job when I was askd wat animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt , I pickd the first thing that cummd to me. I respondd with , ( I'd be a turtle cuz I'm really slow sometimes. ) FML

#20531284
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24258) - you deserved it (17056)

On 03/04/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by seriously (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend startd coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelld, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56005) - you deserved it (14673)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me 4 a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37867) - you deserved it (12687)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

2day while working, I thought, ( I wish my kittens could text so looool I can talk to them throughout the day. ) And then I realizd, I'm that cat lady u read about. FML

#20532138
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32023) - you deserved it (12564)

On 03/05/2013 at 11:13am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found that someone had paid off my $16,500 student loan. I was so excited that I called my family and posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. Then I called the loan company and found out that they had just sold my loan to another company; no one had actually paid it off. FML

#20525305
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25586) - you deserved it (12411)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:19am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today , I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written , heart-felt note to my ex-grlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent , she replied , "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow , that stands 4 friendship." FML

#20534297
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32616) - you deserved it (11838)

On 03/07/2013 at 1:07am - love - by Roses are Red - United States (Mississippi)

today I went out to buy a bottle of wine an some condoms. As te casier scanned te condoms , se snickered an muttered , "Yea rigt." Se was rigt; I really was just desperate to look like I ave a sex life. I got so upset tat I left ma items an walked out wit tears in ma eyes. FML

#20526083
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36942) - you deserved it (10682)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by useless pos (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had an important job interview at another company. I'd trid to keep it secret from everyone at work, so they wouldn't tell my boss, as I can't afford to get on his bad side yet. My mom postd on my Facebook wall, wishing me luck. I'm Facebook friends with most of my colleagues. FML

#20525834
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25173) - you deserved it (10608)

On 02/28/2013 at 4:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Southern Finland)



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