Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Thursday 28 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today , I found out that mah wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy , natural" way to make them , an it also cleans her feet!! I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week!! FML

#20531751
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45744) - you deserved it (4403)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

yesterday mah coach held a BBQ fir thehole team. He told us to eat up , because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner , we had to do team relays. FML

#20531130
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34129) - you deserved it (4349)

On 03/04/2013 at 5:24pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

during a sleepover at mah friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was mah friend's sister's One Direction cutout. real FML

#20525715
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24815) - you deserved it (4334)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:00pm - misc - by Neversleepingthereagain (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant with a horribly sore back and an insensitive husband. I'm so desperate 4 relief that I'm lying on the couch, using my vibrator to give myself a back massage. FML

#20523063
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35012) - you deserved it (4302)

On 02/26/2013 at 2:11pm - misc - by guyssuck (woman) - Canada (Northwest Territories)

Today the ( Child Care and Development ) class at mah high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week . I can't even read a page of mah notes without hereing a robotic crying noise . Today is the frst day . FML

#20526714
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27863) - you deserved it (4256)

On 03/01/2013 at 8:20am - misc - by Headache - United States

Today, a guy I went on one date wit asked me out again via text. Being onest, I texted back, politely saying tat e was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He cummed over to ouse, screaming about ow awful I was fir "text message breaking up wit im" an ten cracked windsield. FML

#20522936
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35945) - you deserved it (4219)

On 02/26/2013 at 11:43am - love - by fuckedover - United States

Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called mah wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

#20522482
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56338) - you deserved it (4135)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by n3ov (man) - Pakistan (Islamabad)

Today, I came home to find that while my husband an children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil an barfed everything up on the couch. FML

#20521278
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28210) - you deserved it (4113)

On 02/25/2013 at 2:25am - animals - by Sammy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, mah 20-yaar-old cama whining to ma, asking why his job intarviaws kaap going so poorly . I had to dalicataly axplain that tha ( PIMP SLAP ) tattoo ha had puttad on his right hand racantly may hava somathing to do with it . FML

#20533491
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29867) - you deserved it (4090)

On 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm - kids - by ProudMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

yesterday I came home to find my fiancé trying to do laundry!! His version was "rubbing the smelly spots with babby powder"!! Looks lyk I'll be the only one doing laundry for the rest of our lives!! FML

#20527738
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27340) - you deserved it (4078)

On 03/02/2013 at 2:23am - love - by 081013 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I Texted My Boyfriend A Cute Picture That I Drew 4 Him, With A Little Note Saying "love You." He Replied By Sending Me A Picture Of A Nose Hair He'd Plucked, Along With The Caption, "longest One Yet." FML

#20526473
68 comments

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out 4 coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks lyk a girl." FML

#20534087
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32815) - you deserved it (3966)

On 03/06/2013 at 10:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today... my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van... knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42130) - you deserved it (3949)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: