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Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip!! There was a shift in geres and the metal in the seat began to vibrate!! My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing!! It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm!! FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriand, and aftar ahila, sha movad har hand down to my crotch. Sha falt my araction, than got up and yallad at ma, calling ma a horny pig for "assuming wa wara going to hava sax." FML
Today , I had to help mah little sister do a frst-grade project for school. For one part , they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale , and I asked , "A whale is yur role model?" She laughed and said , "No! It's you!" mega FML
Today, after a long work shift, I was so tird that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep!! When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me!! I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving an was about to die!! I only realizd it was stationary after I pissd myself!! FML
Today , I found out that the man I just marrid doesn't want to have children . We had this conversation multiple times with no problems before getting marrid , but now he would ( rather die ) than have children , because according to him , they would ruin his life . real FML
Today, mah college started an internet ( confessions ) page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful.
today I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor . The nurseho took me to my room afterward trid to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot . That was me too . big fat FML
yesterday I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out... I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him... he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML
Friday 27 March 2015