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Wednesday 27 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

#20522482
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50279) - you deserved it (3582)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by n3ov (man) - Pakistan (Islamabad)

Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML

#20523906
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25770) - you deserved it (3493)

On 02/27/2013 at 12:03am - misc - by thepokemonkid - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

#20524027
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22868) - you deserved it (3460)

On 02/27/2013 at 2:12am - animals - by thecatlady (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

#20532334
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41058) - you deserved it (3402)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm - love - by Alexandra - United States (Maryland)

Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

#20523889
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24725) - you deserved it (3390)

On 02/26/2013 at 11:50pm - misc - by Jan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

#20521518
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30373) - you deserved it (3377)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML

#20527903
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32129) - you deserved it (3372)

On 03/02/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by Doors Hate Me - United States

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

#20521929
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40306) - you deserved it (3336)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at my class's band concert. Before the curtain was raised, I helped haul the piano to a different spot so a girl who would've had to stand behind it could be seen. I said, "There, now your mom can see you play!" She responded with, "My mom's blind." FML

#20527693
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30630) - you deserved it (3290)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

#20524817
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25468) - you deserved it (3217)

On 02/27/2013 at 7:42pm - misc - by forgotten - United States (Arizona)

Today, to avoid a massive delay on our scheduled flight at the airport, we were generously moved to an earlier flight home. An hour later, our new flight had been cancelled and they told us we'd be stuck at the airport overnight. Our original flight took off fine. FML

#20527906
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31826) - you deserved it (3211)

On 03/02/2013 at 9:14am - misc - by melyeah - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML

#20528651
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23715) - you deserved it (3194)

On 03/02/2013 at 9:35pm - misc - by dumbass for a flatmate - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I came home from a rough day working two jobs to find a plate of cookies on my desk with a note from my roommates saying, "You deserve it!" I happily broke one in half to eat and discovered they contained coconut. I'm allergic to coconut, a fact both of my roommates are aware of. FML

#20521168
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30041) - you deserved it (3184)

On 02/25/2013 at 12:44am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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