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Wednesday 27 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML

#20526426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24327) - you deserved it (6576) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/28/2013 at 8:55pm - health - by JimiHendrix (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. I also found out that her sister is an MMA fighter. She put me in an extremely strong chokehold until I took the break-up back. FML

#20530332
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37244) - you deserved it (6510)

On 03/03/2013 at 11:47pm - love - by she also gave me a wedgie (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

#20534043
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27659) - you deserved it (6310)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm - work - by shittysongs - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

#20529319
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29957) - you deserved it (6157)

On 03/03/2013 at 11:05am - love - by nerdgirlmickey (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I'm so poor that I've been scrounging around my house all day trying to find quarters and dimes so that I can buy myself a cup of coffee tomorrow. FML

#20521315
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26342) - you deserved it (6087)

On 02/25/2013 at 3:39am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML

#20531170
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50765) - you deserved it (6068)

On 03/04/2013 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by Thankshun (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

#20524189
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38136) - you deserved it (6048)

On 02/27/2013 at 8:49am - misc - by anony (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

#20532214
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42123) - you deserved it (5993)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

#20524344
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35325) - you deserved it (5954)

On 02/27/2013 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

#20530380
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46029) - you deserved it (5892)

On 03/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nopanties (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

#20529151
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44880) - you deserved it (5776)

On 03/03/2013 at 7:17am - intimacy - by Ihatemylife (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

#20532338
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35783) - you deserved it (5419)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

#20523671
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42808) - you deserved it (5398)

On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)



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