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Tuesday 19 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

#20520338
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33089) - you deserved it (7527)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML

#20513337
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31680) - you deserved it (7429)

On 02/19/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by really (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. Includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML

#20514672
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20405) - you deserved it (7246)

On 02/20/2013 at 8:54am - misc - by kryan012 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML

#20514789
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22886) - you deserved it (7201)

On 02/20/2013 at 11:36am - work - by Apparently not a writer (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I uploaded a new Facebook profile photo, which got over 20 likes in the space of an hour. The most I've ever gotten before was 10. Surprised, I went to check my picture again, only to notice two guys were sarcastically flipping me the bird in the background. FML

#20514955
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23619) - you deserved it (7078)

On 02/20/2013 at 2:48pm - misc - by club goer - Canada

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

#20517185
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23251) - you deserved it (7038)

On 02/22/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML

#20523139
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30660) - you deserved it (6906)

On 02/26/2013 at 3:26pm - love - by pooh anne (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, the guy I like asked me out for the first time. It's a good thing he did it over Facebook, because I started shaking and almost threw up. I don't know how I'm going to function on our date next week. FML

#20514506
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25259) - you deserved it (6839)

On 02/20/2013 at 2:31am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

#20521590
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40662) - you deserved it (6770)

On 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I locked my keys in my truck. The good news is that I have a spare set in my house. The bad news is that my house key is on the same keyring as my locked-in truck key. FML

#20521895
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20820) - you deserved it (6676)

On 02/25/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by burning balls of fuck this - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out and threatened to get a restraining order after I called him an asshole. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and over 1,000 miles away from my parents' house. FML

#20519336
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31196) - you deserved it (6430)

On 02/23/2013 at 8:47pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he was thinking about us taking a break. After an hour of crying and him saying it would be okay, I accepted it. When I asked when the break would start, he replied, "What are you talking about? I only said I'd thought about it" and then laughed. FML

#20521204
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32486) - you deserved it (6160)

On 02/25/2013 at 1:10am - love - by Gullible (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

#20518411
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34408) - you deserved it (5947)

On 02/23/2013 at 2:32am - work - by mypelvishurts - United States (California)



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