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Friday 15 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

#20514475
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37407) - you deserved it (5292)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

#20511181
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34036) - you deserved it (5291)

On 02/17/2013 at 7:11pm - love - by daniel55 (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "the lovely Meghan". I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

#20516708
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30515) - you deserved it (5180)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:33pm - love - by Meghan (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I finally confronted my bully. Too bad it was at my high school reunion and he beat the shit out of me. FML

#20505236
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32578) - you deserved it (5050)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

#20511747
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45115) - you deserved it (5003)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:09am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I've been living in Kenya in a nasty apartment for so long that when I looked down into my drink and saw a dead fly, I just picked it out and continued drinking. FML

#20505207
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29677) - you deserved it (4978)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by kenyaliving - Kenya

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

#20514612
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34380) - you deserved it (4673)

On 02/20/2013 at 7:01am - kids - by Laila - United States

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

#20508531
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26693) - you deserved it (4640)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Venezuela (Lara)

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

#20515174
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32324) - you deserved it (4633)

On 02/20/2013 at 5:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

#20505342
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40634) - you deserved it (4555)

On 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could ogle her ass as she walked away. FML

#20518187
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27001) - you deserved it (4482) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/22/2013 at 9:27pm - misc - by hé merde - Sent from mobile version

Today, I muted the TV just in time to hear my mom yell at my dad about how their sex life is "non-existent". FML

#20517316
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33219) - you deserved it (4216)

On 02/22/2013 at 8:06am - intimacy - by PoorMe - United States

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

#20511774
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36541) - you deserved it (4109)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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