Friday 15 February 2013 
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Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8281) - you deserved it (25187)
On 02/21/2013 at 12:51am - love - by tomedicalforlove -
Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9855) - you deserved it (25087)
On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8517) - you deserved it (24191)
On 02/18/2013 at 2:11pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8477) - you deserved it (23941)
On 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New York)
Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23784) - you deserved it (21632)
On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9230) - you deserved it (21561)
On 02/22/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by shelbylove115 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9854) - you deserved it (21293)
On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States
Today, one of my employees complained of B.O. wafting into his work space. As a joke, I created an anonymous survey online asking everyone if they had showered in the last 30 days, and sent it out. Half of them put "Yes", the other half put a variation of "I can't afford to shower on my salary." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7503) - you deserved it (19250)
On 02/14/2013 at 7:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was talking to an attractive guy, but I was so nervous that I got tongue-tied and then blurted out, "Stupid autocorrect." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13170) - you deserved it (19138)
On 02/11/2013 at 3:57am - misc - by tongue tied - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8501) - you deserved it (16681)
On 02/13/2013 at 11:45am - misc - by oh my dad - United States (Kentucky)
Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later and people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out and forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator and waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6690) - you deserved it (14965)
On 02/19/2013 at 5:03pm - work - by CaBur (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17539) - you deserved it (13504)
On 02/17/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20607) - you deserved it (12241)
On 02/12/2013 at 3:04am - misc - by Thai rice mistake - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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