Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Thursday 14 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML

#20507650
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32203) - you deserved it (9783)

On 02/15/2013 at 12:42am - animals - by bettercallpeta - United States

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

#20515924
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31538) - you deserved it (9154)

On 02/21/2013 at 3:46am - intimacy - by pornhastaughtmenothing - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML

#20513159
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40253) - you deserved it (8917)

On 02/19/2013 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19897) - you deserved it (8733)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

#20508270
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33462) - you deserved it (8576)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML

#20507523
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36263) - you deserved it (8101)

On 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while on my way to the movies, I stopped at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket asked for my purse, confiscated my candy, and then kicked me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML

#20510592
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43956) - you deserved it (7825)

On 02/17/2013 at 10:50am - love - by Cheyennereed - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

#20506101
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19928) - you deserved it (7562)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:01am - love - by lex - United States

Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML

#20513337
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31696) - you deserved it (7430)

On 02/19/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by really (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

#20505090
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24616) - you deserved it (7404)

On 02/13/2013 at 3:31pm - misc - by nosebleeder - Sweden

Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. Includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML

#20514672
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20415) - you deserved it (7248)

On 02/20/2013 at 8:54am - misc - by kryan012 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML

#20514789
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22894) - you deserved it (7201)

On 02/20/2013 at 11:36am - work - by Apparently not a writer (woman) - United States (Delaware)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: