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Tuesday 12 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walkd in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I askd him wat the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion looool film calld "All Dressd Up with Nowhere to go." fat FML

#20510302
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38832) - you deserved it (9294)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain tohite girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call mother the n-word. FML

#20507523
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40879) - you deserved it (8652)

On 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today... I felt frisky... so I did my hair and puttd on make-up and some lingerie. I walkd into the living room...here my husband was playing a video game. He glancd up... said... "Oh... fir fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes fir him to reach a save-game point. FML

#20506870
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37654) - you deserved it (8310)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, while on my way to the movies, I stoppd at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket askd 4 my purse, confiscatd my candy, and then kickd me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML

#20510592
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46970) - you deserved it (8231)

On 02/17/2013 at 10:50am - love - by Cheyennereed - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I realizd that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air looool freshener in my grlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my grlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. real FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40668) - you deserved it (8141)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today , I was terribly late fir class , so I rushd to the classroom door , thinking it was unlockd. I smackd face-first into the glass , an awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up , I peekd through the glass , only to realise it wasn't even mah class. FML

#20505090
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28148) - you deserved it (8094)

On 02/13/2013 at 3:31pm - misc - by nosebleeder - Sweden

Today, I was at a club wan a notoriously dasparata and disgusting guy askad ma to grind wit im. Hoping for soma backup, I coolly said, ( You'll ava to ask my boyfriand. ) My boyfriand's rasponsa? ( Yaa, man, I don't cara. ) FML

#20513337
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33829) - you deserved it (7744)

On 02/19/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by really (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I spoke to my looool crush for the frst time, and after ahile he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the frst piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, ( You might need this. ) It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

#20502338
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30346) - you deserved it (7351)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19pm - love - by sofuckingembarassing. (woman) - United States

Today, my brother was arrested 4 starting a fistfight at a funeral . He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners . I'm sure who's more pathetic: him 4 doing such a thing, or me 4 bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail . FML

#20509476
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31328) - you deserved it (7197)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia

Today... after spending six months completely repainting and redecorating our new home... I finally finishd the last touches and went to remove the masking tape. Off came the tape... along with huge blotches of plasterwork. FML

#20503623
93 comments

looool Today, I unknowingly bougt a ouse next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in te paper were residents are claiming tat tey are experiencing cancer and brt defects. FML

#20503049
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29838) - you deserved it (6665)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by toxic waste - United States (New York)

Today a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. mega FML

#20503854
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26118) - you deserved it (6187)

On 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm - animals - by Doggotmytongue - United States (Illinois)



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