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Saturday 9 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

#20494355
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40576) - you deserved it (12084)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. It's okay, I know who the father is: my ex-boyfriend, who moved to Japan last week. FML

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

#20497837
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54939) - you deserved it (10256)

On 02/08/2013 at 2:13am - intimacy - by mydadsgonnakillme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML

#20507650
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32343) - you deserved it (9797)

On 02/15/2013 at 12:42am - animals - by bettercallpeta - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20009) - you deserved it (8761)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

#20508270
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33702) - you deserved it (8600)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20543) - you deserved it (8156)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML

#20507523
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36443) - you deserved it (8111)

On 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML

#20498998
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31276) - you deserved it (8036)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:13am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow. He's 22. FML

#20494713
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21585) - you deserved it (8011)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

#20506870
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35823) - you deserved it (7990)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, I pointed out to my boyfriend how Valentine's day, my birthday, and our one-year anniversary were all coming up in the next few weeks. He then promptly broke up with me. FML

#20497809
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32035) - you deserved it (7883)

On 02/08/2013 at 1:24am - love - by katelynm - United States



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