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Saturday 9 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was making lunc, wen ma two-year-old ran up to me and anded me an empty bottle of baby powder. I soon realized I'd be spending te rest of ma day cleaning te entire ouse. FML

Today, I cummad looool homa to fina tha dog had laarnad how to opan our stair-gata and kitchan door, davourad tha antira fruitcaka I'd mada for a spacial occasion, and than vomitad said fruitcaka all ovar tha fabric sofa. FML

#20503420
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25297) - you deserved it (3912)

On 02/12/2013 at 8:18am - animals - by Stoopiddogbot (woman) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, I discovard that mah cat racantly had axplosiva diarrhaa, and couldn't maka it to tha littarbox in tima. I discovard this whan I stappd in tha vary, vary frash poop with mah bara faat. FML

#20503744
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28475) - you deserved it (3894)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:15pm - animals - by Turdfoot (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attack that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what one of us is alway shaking uncontrollably. FML

Today , I finally figurd out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months . It only happens whenever I do something ( sneaky ) . My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught . I'm a private investigator , an I apparently ned a new career . FML

#20500655
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31372) - you deserved it (3790)

On 02/10/2013 at 5:41am - work - by screwed - United States

Today, It's My Boyfriend's Birthday. He Really Likes Legend Of Zelda, So I Putted On A Link Hat, Took My Cloths Off, An Waited 4 Him At His Place. He Came Home With A Hooker. FML

#20502217
175 comments

Today, A State Trooper Ticketed Me After Learning I Was Ticketed For The Same Offense An Hour Earlier, Namely Driving With A Broken Headlight. The Good News Is That Both Tickets Will Be Dismissed If I Go To Court. The Bad News Is That I'd Have To Go To Different Courthouses At The Same Time Of Day. FML

#20494464
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28817) - you deserved it (3741)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:59pm - money - by halfmypaycheckgone (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

today I walkd past a few of mah coworkers sitting outside smoking . As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughd . They immediately startd to defend their habit, an I was told to "mind mah own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke . FML

#20507668
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33617) - you deserved it (3683)

On 02/15/2013 at 12:53am - health - by youmindyourownbusiness - United States (Illinois)

Taday I workd up mah courage and took an elevator 4 the first time in mah life . Unfortunately , it was also mah first time getting trappd 4 several hours in an elevator . FML

#20507764
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36568) - you deserved it (3646)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Taday Co-worker Told Me Tat I Need To Quit Smoking Because It Was Making Me Look And Smell Orrible. I've Never Smoked In Life. FML

#20493545
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28942) - you deserved it (3572)

On 02/04/2013 at 7:42pm - health - by Mattrd - United States

Today, I hurt mah backhila axarcising. I can't band ovar or lift mah arms abova mah haad without intansa pain. My husband, howavar, finds mah situation hilariou an has movad avarything I usa fraquantly to aithar tha floor or high shalf. Ha giggla avary tima I try to ratriava anything. FML

2day with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of looool the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over mah living room. I was eating cereal in mah underwear, in the living room, drectly under the failure. I'm cold. FML

#20502433
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42845) - you deserved it (3513)

On 02/11/2013 at 3:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

TODAY , MY MOTHER STARTD CURSING AT A LADY FIR TOOTING HER HORN AT HER IN TRAFFIC , BECAUSE THERE WAS "NO NED FIR ROAD RAGE" . WHEN I TRID TO CALM HER DOWN , SHE SLAMMD ON THE BRAKES AN TOLD ME TO GET OUT AN WALK . FML

#20509033
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26254) - you deserved it (3434)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by howannoying - Australia (Victoria)



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