Friday 8 February 2013 
Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25659) - you deserved it (2803)
On 02/10/2013 at 5:41am - work - by screwed - United States
Today, I was making lunch, when my two-year-old ran up to me and handed me an empty bottle of baby powder. I soon realized I'd be spending the rest of my day cleaning the entire house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23661) - you deserved it (2716)
On 02/13/2013 at 4:01pm - kids - by mattrd (man) - United States
Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish bi-product. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24893) - you deserved it (2684)
On 02/11/2013 at 10:48am - animals - by firestar772 - United States (California)
Today, I worked up my courage and took an elevator for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, it was also my first time getting trapped for several hours in an elevator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29808) - you deserved it (2648)
On 02/15/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. He really likes Legend of Zelda, so I put on a Link hat, took my clothes off, and waited for him at his place. He came home with a hooker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43438) - you deserved it (2640)
On 02/11/2013 at 12:08pm - love - by excusemeprincess (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23225) - you deserved it (2537)
On 02/14/2013 at 8:08pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45214) - you deserved it (2511)
On 02/04/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32029) - you deserved it (2503)
Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22687) - you deserved it (2499)
On 02/12/2013 at 1:43pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26758) - you deserved it (2489)
On 02/06/2013 at 4:05pm - health - by AplJax3 (woman) - United States
Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22512) - you deserved it (2481)
On 02/05/2013 at 1:59pm - money - by halfmypaycheckgone (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my co-worker told me that I need to quit smoking because it was making me look and smell horrible. I've never smoked in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22446) - you deserved it (2417)
On 02/04/2013 at 7:42pm - health - by Mattrd - United States
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24102) - you deserved it (2414)
On 02/05/2013 at 12:22am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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