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Friday 8 February 2013

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Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

by frustrated! / 02/06/2013 at 1:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was walking to my dorm room while it was snowing heavily. I saw a girl in a wheelchair trying to get up a slippery incline. Being a good person, I asked to help. I'm a pretty weak guy, and I couldn't push her up. She wheeled away crying because she thought she was fat. FML

by IMadeAHandicappedPersonCry / 02/12/2013 at 11:57pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML

by dating a fucking psycho / 02/14/2013 at 3:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money

Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

by perfect / 02/04/2013 at 3:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

by Lois / 02/09/2013 at 7:00am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

by akasoor / 02/10/2013 at 8:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

by djxerxes9000 / 02/07/2013 at 9:56pm / Canada / Work

Today, I finally confronted my bully. Too bad it was at my high school reunion and he beat the shit out of me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 5:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

by BonGoWash / 02/07/2013 at 9:45am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I've been living in Kenya in a nasty apartment for so long that when I looked down into my drink and saw a dead fly, I just picked it out and continued drinking. FML

by kenyaliving / 02/13/2013 at 5:04pm / Kenya / Miscellaneous

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals

Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML

by and she doesn't even give bjs / 02/08/2013 at 7:44pm / Argentina (Distrito Federal) / Love