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Tuesday 5 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, A Girl Cummed Up To Me On The Street And Said, "You Have Like No Swag, Bro." Feeling Clever, I Said, "At Least I Have A High School Education." She Then Took Out Her Work ID, Showing Me That She Was A Surgeon, Flipped Me Off, Then Walked Away Saying, "This Is Totally Going On Facebook." FML

#20502122
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31029) - you deserved it (28127)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I bougt a fis!! I puttd te tank on top of te fridge so ma cat wouldn't get at it!! I'd forgotten to buy some tings 4 its tank, so I quickly ran out to get tem!! Wen I got ome, I saw te tank destroyd on te floor, an ma cat devouring ma fis!! I ad te fis 4 less tan an our!! FML

#20497647
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16462) - you deserved it (25948)

On 02/07/2013 at 10:58pm - animals - by fish killer - Canada

Today , I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant . The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter , and I thought they were fir me . I ate one and a lady came over screaming . Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony . FML

#20503300
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26218) - you deserved it (16811)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:04am - misc - by Thai rice mistake - United States (California)

Today... My Manager Asked Me 4 Te Password To My Internet So Se Could Skype Family Since Se Can't Pay Er Bill. Tis Is Te Same Woman Wo Just A Week Ago Tried To Evict Me Cuz My Rent Was An Our Late. Trying To Be Te Bigger Person... I Gave Er Te Password. Se Canged My Password. FML

#20496640
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31089) - you deserved it (16399)

On 02/07/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I hred out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to mah mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the thrd time. FML

#20492687
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30860) - you deserved it (13850)

On 02/04/2013 at 2:45am - love - by lonelyloser - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, after a sower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in te sower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom cimed in wit, "No, e does it before e sowers, aven't u noticed ow e locks imself in is room?" Se was rigt on te money. mega FML

#20494355
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41623) - you deserved it (12363)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, I Introduced Boyfriend To Overprotective Father. My Boyfriend Started Out With, "Sir, It Is An Honor To Be Your Daughter's Sexual Partner." FML

#20497837
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57699) - you deserved it (10911)

On 02/08/2013 at 2:13am - intimacy - by mydadsgonnakillme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out I'm pragnant. It's okay, I know who tha fathar is: my ax-boyfriand, who movd to Japan last waak. FML

Today , I Got Married On Skyrim . To An Elf . Wile In Real Life , Ma Love Life Is Floundering Like A Alf-dead Carp In Te Surf On A Ot Day . So Muc So In Fact Tat I Actually Draw A Measure Of Comfort From Being Married To An Elf . FML

#20501864
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24210) - you deserved it (9630)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26192) - you deserved it (8640)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

today I was playing Slandar, wan I caugt a glimpsa of ta Slandarman. I jumpd in my cair, latting rip a uga fart in ta procass. Nobody aard it, but only bacausa my sriaks of tarror drownd out ta sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22700) - you deserved it (8622)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

TODAY I POINTD OUT TO MAH BOYFRIEND HOW VALENTINE'S DAY, MAH BIRTHDAY, AN OUR ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY WERE ALL COMING UP IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS. HE THEN PROMPTLY BROKE UP WITH ME. FML

#20497809
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34566) - you deserved it (8219)

On 02/08/2013 at 1:24am - love - by katelynm - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow!! He's 22!! FML

#20494713
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22592) - you deserved it (8201)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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