Saturday 2 February 2013 
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Today, I told my sister that boys are stronger than girls. She responded by beating the living crap out of me to prove me wrong. She's twelve. I'm eighteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8778) - you deserved it (41052)
On 02/07/2013 at 1:57am - misc - by manhandled by a little girl (man) - United States (California)
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7340) - you deserved it (40941)
On 02/05/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by swarm20 - United States (Minnesota)
Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12091) - you deserved it (40768)
On 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm - misc - by mhmm... cumsquats (man) - Belgium (Brabant)
Today, I learned it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing your phone off the balcony and sticking your cigarette into your pocket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9348) - you deserved it (38812)
On 01/30/2013 at 5:13am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7909) - you deserved it (37340)
On 02/07/2013 at 12:11pm - misc - by loquacious shit stain (woman) - Australia
Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4795) - you deserved it (36467)
On 02/08/2013 at 12:45am - work - by Kybo5 - United States (California)
Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9586) - you deserved it (36161)
On 02/07/2013 at 7:28pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
I agree, your life sucks (14169) - you deserved it (33402)
On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18315) - you deserved it (30222)
On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6069) - you deserved it (29189)
On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9055) - you deserved it (28950)
On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24646) - you deserved it (27617)
On 02/06/2013 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11842) - you deserved it (26690)
On 01/31/2013 at 6:34am - money - by Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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