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Saturday 2 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my sister that boys are stronger than girls. She responded by beating the living crap out of me to prove me wrong. She's twelve. I'm eighteen. FML

#20496678
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10728) - you deserved it (53590)

On 02/07/2013 at 1:57am - misc - by manhandled by a little girl (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing your phone off the balcony and sticking your cigarette into your pocket. FML

#20485916
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11116) - you deserved it (52520)

On 01/30/2013 at 5:13am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

#20499970
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13108) - you deserved it (49341)

On 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm - misc - by mhmm... cumsquats (man) - Belgium (Brabant)

Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML

#20497390
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11747) - you deserved it (47901)

On 02/07/2013 at 7:28pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

#20493993
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7453) - you deserved it (41583)

On 02/05/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by swarm20 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

#20484025
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7400) - you deserved it (39404)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

#20496974
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8183) - you deserved it (38373)

On 02/07/2013 at 12:11pm - misc - by loquacious shit stain (woman) - Australia

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18032) - you deserved it (38102)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML

#20497764
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4895) - you deserved it (37314)

On 02/08/2013 at 12:45am - work - by Kybo5 - United States (California)

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

#20496085
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18822) - you deserved it (35951)

On 02/06/2013 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by dab1230 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML

#20487332
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13796) - you deserved it (35686)

On 01/31/2013 at 6:34am - money - by Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace (man) - United States (California)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

#20485057
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23946) - you deserved it (35001)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

#20488708
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21956) - you deserved it (34704)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Master Debater (man) - Australia



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