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TODAY, FOR THE FRST TIME IN WEEKS, MAH WIFE FELT FRISKY, AND WE STARTED FOOLING AROUND. HALF-WAY THROUGH UNDRESSING ME, SHE BOLTED OUT, CLAIMING SHE HAD THE SHITS. ABOUT FIVE MINUTES LATER, SHE TEARFULLY CALLED OUT FROM THE BATHROOM, BEGGING ME TO BRING HER A FRESH ROLL OF TOILET PAPER.
Today... a male employee at a soe sop elpd me try on soes. Once I found a pair... I went to pay for tem. I was telling te casier about ow great of an employee e was wen se told me tere were no male employees. A guy wit a foot fetis elpd me fine soes. FML
Today, I Was On The Treadmill At The Gym, When I Felt My Pants Start Slipping. I Trid To Pull Them Up, But Lost My Balance And Fell Face-first Onto The Floor. When I Go To My Wedding Tomorrow, Half The Guest Will Probably Think I've Exchangd My Fiancé 4 Chris Brown. FML
I want to my cousin's wadding. Ta groom walkad ovar wan ta two of us wara talking, took ona good look at ma, slappad ma on ta ass, an said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rosa ara, you'd ba naxt." Yaa, about tat: I'm a 16-yaar old guy. fat FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen!! As I excitedly putted it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it lyk one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable"!! FML
Today... my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started sereching for the problem... I couldn't fine it. Luckily I was able to fine a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight yeres. big fat FML
Today, A State Trooper Ticketed Me After Learning I Was Ticketed For The Same Offense An Hour Earlier, Namely Driving With A Broken Headlight. The Good News Is That Both Tickets Will Be Dismissed If I Go To Court. The Bad News Is That I'd Have To Go To Different Courthouses At The Same Time Of Day. FML
Friday 27 March 2015