Friday 1 February 2013 
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Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (26356) - you deserved it (3991)
On 02/04/2013 at 12:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25479) - you deserved it (3910)
On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got into an argument with my wife. We had gotten our son an Xbox and two games for his birthday. Since he was ungratefully bitching about it, I made him return it and donate the money to charity. He told her that I hit him, took his present and pawned it for beer. She doesn't believe me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35652) - you deserved it (3901)
On 01/30/2013 at 6:23pm - kids - by XboxDad (man) - United States (California)
Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20916) - you deserved it (3843)
On 02/02/2013 at 1:57am - misc - by merp. (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to buy a $2500 taxidermied wolf on eBay. This is the same guy who refuses to get engaged because it would "cost too much right now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25960) - you deserved it (3826)
On 01/31/2013 at 2:23am - money - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32096) - you deserved it (3717)
On 02/02/2013 at 5:34pm - love - by rani (woman) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, I actually considered my boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24044) - you deserved it (3703)
On 02/01/2013 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30356) - you deserved it (3636)
On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)
Today, I was washing the dishes at work. I had to pee really bad but first I wanted to finish the dishes. A coworker jumped out from behind the ice machine. I screamed like a girl and pissed my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19726) - you deserved it (3580)
On 02/03/2013 at 10:50pm - work - by klovemachine (man) - United States
Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15321) - you deserved it (3530)
Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25426) - you deserved it (3495)
On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States
Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27769) - you deserved it (3476)
On 02/03/2013 at 9:16pm - love - by guessnot (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15545) - you deserved it (3447)
On 02/06/2013 at 7:49pm - misc - by gilbirds (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Monday 17 June 2013
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