Friday 1 February 2013 
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Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17592) - you deserved it (9662)
On 02/03/2013 at 2:14am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27419) - you deserved it (7963)
On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30778) - you deserved it (7809)
On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States
Today, I pointed out to my boyfriend how Valentine's day, my birthday, and our one-year anniversary were all coming up in the next few weeks. He then promptly broke up with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29375) - you deserved it (7542)
On 02/08/2013 at 1:24am - love - by katelynm - United States
Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21379) - you deserved it (7522) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/31/2013 at 7:26am - misc - by heallven - Sent from mobile version
Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29520) - you deserved it (7515)
On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44895) - you deserved it (6979)
On 02/08/2013 at 2:13am - intimacy - by mydadsgonnakillme (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18740) - you deserved it (6854)
On 01/29/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)
Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24455) - you deserved it (6398)
On 01/29/2013 at 5:56pm - health - by fatty milkshakes - United States
Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19768) - you deserved it (6201)
On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16366) - you deserved it (6026)
On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)
Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17081) - you deserved it (5801)
On 01/28/2013 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow. He's 22. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16842) - you deserved it (5747)
On 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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