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Thursday 31 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

#20496887
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27594) - you deserved it (5123)

On 02/07/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by BonGoWash - United States (New York)

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

Today, I was washing the dishes at work. I had to pee really bad but first I wanted to finish the dishes. A coworker jumped out from behind the ice machine. I screamed like a girl and pissed my pants. FML

#20492292
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24294) - you deserved it (4978)

On 02/03/2013 at 10:50pm - work - by klovemachine (man) - United States

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

#20490556
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38210) - you deserved it (4955)

On 02/02/2013 at 5:34pm - love - by rani (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

#20491476
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39857) - you deserved it (4874)

On 02/03/2013 at 11:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Serbia

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24165) - you deserved it (4762)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

#20487281
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24464) - you deserved it (4661)

On 01/31/2013 at 4:07am - misc - by Why Me? (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32047) - you deserved it (4548) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, after nearly 5 months of trying for a baby, I found out my wife has continued to take the pill as it gave her a better idea of her cycle and thus when she'd be "most fertile". FML

#20492131
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40902) - you deserved it (4478)

On 02/03/2013 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by jdrew32 - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML

#20484366
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44767) - you deserved it (4451)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:40am - intimacy - by Awkward... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30235) - you deserved it (4336)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

#20491900
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30484) - you deserved it (4273)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

#20485957
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35370) - you deserved it (4046)

On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)



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