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Thursday 31 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was washing the dishes at work. I had to pee really bad but first I wanted to finish the dishes. A coworker jumped out from behind the ice machine. I screamed like a girl and pissed my pants. FML

#20492292
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19661) - you deserved it (3577)

On 02/03/2013 at 10:50pm - work - by klovemachine (man) - United States

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

#20497564
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15254) - you deserved it (3528)

On 02/07/2013 at 9:56pm - work - by djxerxes9000 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

#20488292
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25296) - you deserved it (3493)

On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

#20496132
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15483) - you deserved it (3441)

On 02/06/2013 at 7:49pm - misc - by gilbirds (woman) - United States (Ohio)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

#20487281
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19500) - you deserved it (3435)

On 01/31/2013 at 4:07am - misc - by Why Me? (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18394) - you deserved it (3282)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

#20495286
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36517) - you deserved it (3191)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by frustrated! (woman) - United States

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

#20486562
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41289) - you deserved it (3134) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by dr mamour - Sent from mobile version

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

#20485810
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25477) - you deserved it (3119)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25348) - you deserved it (3096) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I asked my bosses for three weeks off in July to go on a much-needed vacation. Their response was to fire me on the spot. My bosses are my aunt and uncle. FML

#20489213
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26036) - you deserved it (3061)

On 02/01/2013 at 5:13pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Romania (Cluj)

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23908) - you deserved it (3033)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got into an argument with my wife. We had gotten our son an Xbox and two games for his birthday. Since he was ungratefully bitching about it, I made him return it and donate the money to charity. He told her that I hit him, took his present and pawned it for beer. She doesn't believe me. FML

#20486592
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33993) - you deserved it (2998)

On 01/30/2013 at 6:23pm - kids - by XboxDad (man) - United States (California)



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