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Wednesday 30 January 2013

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Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

by wilks311 / 02/02/2013 at 9:12am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

by shitty situation / 01/28/2013 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

by puppydrama / 01/30/2013 at 4:05pm / United States / Animals

Today, I decided at age 18 that it's time to put into storage the picture books that have been collecting dust in my room for nearly a decade. My mother took this as a sign that I'm planning to move out and abandon her forever, and has been crying for the last four hours. FML

by NeverEscaping / 02/02/2013 at 7:52pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

by weddingsalwayssuck / 01/28/2013 at 4:01pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

by I'maboutobarf / 01/31/2013 at 5:28am / Australia / Health

Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML

by motherless / 01/29/2013 at 10:18pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

by thegirlofthedad / 01/29/2013 at 4:48am / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML

by Aspireworks / 01/29/2013 at 5:46pm / United States / Love

Today, I got my retainer fitted. It stimulates my gag reflex so badly that I gag every time I try so say anything with a 'P' in it. My orthodontist laughed and suggested I get a thesaurus. FML

by Miss Blairgowrie / 01/30/2013 at 2:52am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML

by fuckedbyretail / 02/02/2013 at 9:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, the new manager at my workplace left early in a panic, exclaiming, "My grandma had an accident! I need to see if she's okay!" I was left in charge of the bar once again. This is the sixth time this week his grandma has had an "accident". FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2013 at 9:47pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML

by vacationless / 02/05/2013 at 2:35pm / United States (West Virginia) / Holidays