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Wednesday 30 January 2013

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Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML

by MyLife / 02/06/2013 at 3:04am / Love

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2013 at 4:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

by Fireguy92 / 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

by :/ / 02/03/2013 at 7:26pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Money

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to "stop sticking your butt out". My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

by embarassinggg / 02/06/2013 at 1:57pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

by fuckit / 01/31/2013 at 3:27pm / Italy (Lazio) / Work

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2013 at 5:50pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, while checking out a couple at work, I handed them their receipt and wished them a good day. The woman promptly pulled her husband to the side, and whispered to him about how much of a "fucking idiot" I was for making the prices so high. I work at McDonald's. FML

by stupidapperently / 01/31/2013 at 11:06pm / United States / Work

Today, the last customer of the night shift handed me their money along with a wad of their hair. FML

by imwithapples22 / 01/29/2013 at 11:39am / United States / Work

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

by Angry Mob / 02/01/2013 at 1:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

by kylie18xx21 / 02/01/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

by jeoak / 01/30/2013 at 12:25pm / India / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a voice-mail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

by TheBaconater / 02/03/2013 at 11:22am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work