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Wednesday 30 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today... I desperately needed to pee... so I decided to confront my anxiety issues an use a public toilet. I opened te lid... only to see several uge... rancid floaters staring back at me. I ad an attack... started sobbing... an pissed myself on te way ome. Never again. FML

#20489333
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28071) - you deserved it (8491)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:53pm - misc - by VMV (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I found out that my roommata has baan switching my protain powdar with chocolata milk mix and brown sugar. Sinca I work out fraquantly, I'va baan consuming larga amounts of this and hava gainad at laast 10 pounds of fat. His raason? I turnad his bookbag insida out. Onca. FML

#20485077
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30612) - you deserved it (8324)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:56pm - health - by fatty milkshakes - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow!! He's 22!! FML

#20494713
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22592) - you deserved it (8201)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I Was Telling My Boyfriend How Proud I Am Of Him Fir Finding A Really Good Job. He Interrupted Me To Tell Me That My Breath Smelled Like His Cat's. Mega FML

#20484067
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21939) - you deserved it (7975)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I trippd while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reachd out and grabbd onto one of the guys walking up. I endd up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgustd glares as I dustd myself off. FML

#20489268
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22697) - you deserved it (7136)

On 02/01/2013 at 5:53pm - health - by Awkward (man) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I was running late fir work and quickly grabbed mah outfit from the dryer. I hered the crackling of static as I took out mah shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when mah co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to mah back. FML

#20491168
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26879) - you deserved it (7134)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, mah boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, mah boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond."

#20494997
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34719) - you deserved it (6705)

On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on mah chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, mah 11-year-old daughter cummd over and bangd out 12 of them. Then she wipd her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on mah technique. FML

#20493569
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30656) - you deserved it (6690)

On 02/04/2013 at 8:00pm - health - by WeakerThanaLittleGirl (man) - United States

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place lyk some kind of mucus cannon!! FML

#20484952
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28925) - you deserved it (6298)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:23pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today , I actually considered mah boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML

#20488602
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35065) - you deserved it (6238)

On 02/01/2013 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm getting marrid. A few months ago, I allowd my mother in-law to take care of catering. She beggd to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number an order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decidd to order food I'm allergic to. mega FML

#20482739
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33376) - you deserved it (6209)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:52am - love - by forever1990 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

2day It's Been Two Months Since I Got A Kitten. He Loves To Hide, An Then Surprise Me By Jumping Out Of His Hiding Place. It Was Quite A Surprise When He Launched Himself Out Of Mah Bag During Class. FML

#20483320
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47466) - you deserved it (6137) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today , I attended my frst surgery as part of my program at med scool. I found out tat wen I see someone's intestines , I vomit. Even if I'm still wearing a surgical mask. Tere goes te tousand of dollar I spent on college. FML

#20495058
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29070) - you deserved it (6114)

On 02/05/2013 at 10:08pm - health - by A troubled ex med school student - United States (Ohio)



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