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Wednesday 30 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally found the courage to ask a guy I like out for a drink. He accepted, we drank, and when it came time to go home, I half-drunkenly left him my number. Once I got back home, I realized I'd actually given him my dad's number instead. FML

#20489080
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10817) - you deserved it (28604)

On 02/01/2013 at 2:59pm - love - by 3some? uh, no (woman) - Dominican Republic

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. I had cooked him a romantic meal and we were planning on eating it in front of the fire. This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney. My entire basement filled with smoke and didn't clear for three hours. FML

#20487007
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10990) - you deserved it (24785)

On 01/30/2013 at 11:02pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

#20489987
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30690) - you deserved it (19666)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia

Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

#20491153
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22802) - you deserved it (14094)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:14am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49158) - you deserved it (13914)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

#20492687
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30648) - you deserved it (13795)

On 02/04/2013 at 2:45am - love - by lonelyloser - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

#20494355
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41224) - you deserved it (12277)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

#20484695
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24543) - you deserved it (9156)

On 01/29/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

#20490079
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38039) - you deserved it (8939)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

#20488681
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32493) - you deserved it (8875)

On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

#20489333
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27913) - you deserved it (8457)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:53pm - misc - by VMV (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)



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