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Tuesday 29 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I lerened it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing yur phone off the balcony and sticking yur cigarette into yur pocket. FML

#20485916
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12154) - you deserved it (55602)

On 01/30/2013 at 5:13am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I calld sacurity at my scool bacausa I laft my mittans in a classroom and it was lockd. Wan ta sacurity officar sowd up, a askd if ta mittans I was looking for wara ta onas on my ands. I avan ad to taka ona of tam off to call tam. FML

#20493993
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9081) - you deserved it (47495)

On 02/05/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by swarm20 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing outhile chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. real FML

#20484025
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7860) - you deserved it (41049)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:23pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, on way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending wheel and flattening tre . After changing it and having to explain myself to furiou boss, I went back on that road in other car to take a picture of the pothole . While looking 4 it, I hit it again . FML

#20487332
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15270) - you deserved it (38236)

On 01/31/2013 at 6:34am - money - by Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace (man) - United States (California)

Today, I jokingly asked mah girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package . She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight . FML

#20485057
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25698) - you deserved it (37024)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States

Today, Ma Grandmoter Walked In On Me Watcing Porn On Ma Computer. Se Looked At Te Woman On Te Screen An Said, ( I Used To Ave Tits Like Tat, But Look Wat Aving 7 Kids Did To Tem. ) Now I'm Scarred Fir Life. FML

#20488708
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23419) - you deserved it (36136)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Master Debater (man) - Australia

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally calld the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explaind that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excusd herself, never to return. FML

#20490478
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23581) - you deserved it (35855)

On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, after trying to convince my grlfriend to have sex fir almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

#20494070
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23784) - you deserved it (35396)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I ave been waiting 4 a call from a job I applid for . I soon got a text from ma current boss, wo doesn't know I'm job unting, letting me know tat te recruiter was trying to reac me . Turns out ma number on ma resumé was wrong . mega FML

#20483477
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8270) - you deserved it (34791)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:25pm - work - by faulty number - United States (Florida)

Today, I Was Driving Around With A Faw Friands Whan Ona Of Tham Suggastad Wa Go In To An Insuranca Company's Offica An Sing Thara Jingla!! I'm An Awful Singar, So I Was Planning On Lip Syncing!! Evaryona Alsa Had Tha Sama Idaa!!

#20487138
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10866) - you deserved it (33581)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend askd me if she looool lookd fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two second away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively trid to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really ned to get a life. FML

#20491836
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11900) - you deserved it (30020)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

yesterday I finally found the courage to ask a guy I lyk out fir a drink. He accepted, we drank, an when it cummed time to go home, I half-drunkenly left him number. Once I got back home, I realized I'd actually given him dad's number instead. FML

#20489080
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11557) - you deserved it (29986)

On 02/01/2013 at 2:59pm - love - by 3some? uh, no (woman) - Dominican Republic

2day my boyfriend an I celebrated our anniversary!! I had cooked him a romantic meal an we were planning on eating it in front of the fire!! This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney!! My entire basement filled with smoke an didn't clear fir three hours!! mega FML

#20487007
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11071) - you deserved it (24930)

On 01/30/2013 at 11:02pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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