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Tuesday 29 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25420) - you deserved it (3103) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I asked my bosses for three weeks off in July to go on a much-needed vacation. Their response was to fire me on the spot. My bosses are my aunt and uncle. FML

#20489213
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26093) - you deserved it (3068)

On 02/01/2013 at 5:13pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Romania (Cluj)

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

#20482991
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20769) - you deserved it (2899)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by thrifty gone wrong - United States (California)

Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants start slipping. I tried to pull them up, but lost my balance and fell face-first onto the floor. When I go to my wedding tomorrow, half the guests will probably think I've exchanged my fiancé for Chris Brown. FML

#20489307
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23042) - you deserved it (2892)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:31pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Brazil

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

#20489969
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31134) - you deserved it (2888)

On 02/02/2013 at 6:21am - misc - by footfetish - Australia (Queensland)

Today, thanks to our computer's browser history, I found out that my wife has been searching for local therapists who deal with cases of severe sex addiction. We've only had sex twice since we got married four months ago. FML

#20487689
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27242) - you deserved it (2827)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:08pm - love - by papersofdivorce (man) - Peru (Lima)

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

#20489402
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48227) - you deserved it (2813)

On 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by thoughtidseenitall (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

#20491900
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24421) - you deserved it (2754)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

#20485216
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24372) - you deserved it (2625)

On 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm - love - by theawfulpresent (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, after nearly 5 months of trying for a baby, I found out my wife has continued to take the pill as it gave her a better idea of her cycle and thus when she'd be "most fertile". FML

#20492131
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31411) - you deserved it (2560)

On 02/03/2013 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by jdrew32 - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

#20493004
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45447) - you deserved it (2515)

On 02/04/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

#20494464
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22599) - you deserved it (2483)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:59pm - money - by halfmypaycheckgone (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML

#20482822
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23813) - you deserved it (2459)

On 01/28/2013 at 8:55am - misc - by hopelessteej (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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