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Saturday 26 January 2013

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Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

by dr mamour / 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm / Love

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

by FUCK THE PIGS / 01/26/2013 at 3:44pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I asked my bosses for three weeks off in July to go on a much-needed vacation. Their response was to fire me on the spot. My bosses are my aunt and uncle. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2013 at 5:13pm / Romania (Cluj) / Work

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

by thoughtidseenitall / 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML

by SonofDonald / 01/22/2013 at 12:20pm / United States / Love

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

by TheLastSerenade / 01/23/2013 at 3:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing here for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved your asses in World War 2." FML

by oh ffs / 01/24/2013 at 8:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I have to take a midterm, which is worth a large part of my grade. All our teacher has taught us so far is how to roast s'mores over a Bunsen burner, and how to make gummy bears explode. Our test is on kinetics. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 4:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

by pdub523 / 01/27/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2013 at 6:03pm / Belgium / Love

Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML

by birthday_loser / 01/23/2013 at 2:33pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, thanks to our computer's browser history, I found out that my wife has been searching for local therapists who deal with cases of severe sex addiction. We've only had sex twice since we got married four months ago. FML

by papersofdivorce / 01/31/2013 at 12:08pm / Peru (Lima) / Love