Saturday 26 January 2013 
Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20932) - you deserved it (3559)
On 01/26/2013 at 3:42am - kids - by anonymous - United States (Alaska)
Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37254) - you deserved it (3536)
On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)
Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25300) - you deserved it (3493)
On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19501) - you deserved it (3435)
On 01/31/2013 at 4:07am - misc - by Why Me? (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23475) - you deserved it (3235)
On 01/25/2013 at 1:51pm - love - by vagina dentata for christmas, pls (woman) - United States
Today, I was talking to my grandma and I mentioned the fact that tomatoes are technically fruit. It's been an hour and she's still yelling, accusing me of lying to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20086) - you deserved it (3198)
On 01/22/2013 at 8:35pm - misc - by I should have kept my mouth shut - United States (California)
Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36413) - you deserved it (3150)
On 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by movingout - Australia (Victoria)
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (41297) - you deserved it (3134) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by dr mamour - Sent from mobile version
Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25487) - you deserved it (3119)
On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)
Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25350) - you deserved it (3098) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26217) - you deserved it (3095)
On 01/22/2013 at 12:20pm - love - by SonofDonald (man) - United States
Today, I asked my bosses for three weeks off in July to go on a much-needed vacation. Their response was to fire me on the spot. My bosses are my aunt and uncle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26036) - you deserved it (3061)
On 02/01/2013 at 5:13pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Romania (Cluj)
Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24044) - you deserved it (3045)
On 01/27/2013 at 12:23am - health - by crippled shopper - United States (Illinois)
Monday 20 May 2013
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