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Saturday 26 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

#20472701
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24524) - you deserved it (8211)

On 01/22/2013 at 3:27am - money - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML

#20479000
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22231) - you deserved it (8195)

On 01/26/2013 at 12:03am - misc - by stelssy (woman) - United States

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

#20488681
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27415) - you deserved it (7963)

On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France

Today, I needed to get a hair cut, so my boyfriend recommended I see his mother, who is a trained and licensed hairdresser. Despite the fact that she hates me, I thought she would be mature and do it nice. She butchered my hair like a toddler does their Barbie, and insists that it "suits me". FML

#20474272
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24532) - you deserved it (7600)

On 01/23/2013 at 12:52am - misc - by parmetries - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML

#20487519
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21372) - you deserved it (7522) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2013 at 7:26am - misc - by heallven - Sent from mobile version

Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

#20490079
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29458) - you deserved it (7512)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I made my first snowman ever, and then cried when my big brother kicked it to pieces. I'm 27. FML

#20475358
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24243) - you deserved it (7023)

On 01/23/2013 at 7:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

#20480979
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33878) - you deserved it (6997)

On 01/27/2013 at 6:10am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

#20484695
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18731) - you deserved it (6853)

On 01/29/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML

#20485077
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24455) - you deserved it (6397)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:56pm - health - by fatty milkshakes - United States

Today, I took a taxi ride with my friends. As we were getting out, I paid the taxi driver. With a grin, he drove away fast. It turns out my friend had already paid. FML

#20475292
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23659) - you deserved it (6116)

On 01/23/2013 at 6:33pm - money - by stevenr579 (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

#20484067
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17080) - you deserved it (5801)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

#20480007
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18747) - you deserved it (5790)

On 01/26/2013 at 4:51pm - misc - by go snope yourself (man) - United Kingdom



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