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Friday 25 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

#20478275
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30415) - you deserved it (5358)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

#20478409
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36453) - you deserved it (5338)

On 01/25/2013 at 5:19pm - health - by LagSwitchFTW (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

#20475517
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30206) - you deserved it (5232)

On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my school's theatre decided to produce Les Misérables. I got the part of Éponine. My boyfriend, being a talented performer, could have gotten any part he wanted. However, he only wanted to play the soldier responsible for killing Éponine. FML

#20474800
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28743) - you deserved it (4940)

On 01/23/2013 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to buy a $2500 taxidermied wolf on eBay. This is the same guy who refuses to get engaged because it would "cost too much right now." FML

#20487239
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29603) - you deserved it (4924)

On 01/31/2013 at 2:23am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

#20472782
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28643) - you deserved it (4743)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:39am - kids - by dani0810 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

#20475642
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40980) - you deserved it (4718)

On 01/23/2013 at 9:59pm - love - by ohokay (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

#20479262
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24235) - you deserved it (4708)

On 01/26/2013 at 3:42am - kids - by anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML

#20482739
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28293) - you deserved it (4698)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:52am - love - by forever1990 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

#20480168
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43820) - you deserved it (4532)

On 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by movingout - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

#20471606
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26486) - you deserved it (4495)

On 01/21/2013 at 4:55pm - misc - by blank - United States

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

#20487281
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22910) - you deserved it (4452)

On 01/31/2013 at 4:07am - misc - by Why Me? (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

#20472693
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30940) - you deserved it (4451)

On 01/22/2013 at 3:09am - love - by deflower (man) - United States (California)



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