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Wednesday 23 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

#20480168
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45747) - you deserved it (4745)

On 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by movingout - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

#20472693
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32043) - you deserved it (4561)

On 01/22/2013 at 3:09am - love - by deflower (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32129) - you deserved it (4558) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML

#20478132
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30235) - you deserved it (4524)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:51pm - love - by vagina dentata for christmas, pls (woman) - United States

Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML

#20484366
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45649) - you deserved it (4522)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:40am - intimacy - by Awkward... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

#20477547
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43569) - you deserved it (4325)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:11am - intimacy - by swollenpenis - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML

#20472081
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41998) - you deserved it (4284)

On 01/21/2013 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by sarah6786 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realised that my friend hasn't spoken to me for a week. A week ago I politely explained to her that I really don't believe in horoscopes, and asked her at the time to stop systematically using my star-sign to explain my behaviour. FML

#20476356
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23122) - you deserved it (4271)

On 01/24/2013 at 11:37am - misc - by notsuperstitious (woman) - Finland

Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML

#20480640
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29282) - you deserved it (4188)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:23am - health - by crippled shopper - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was talking to my grandma and I mentioned the fact that tomatoes are technically fruit. It's been an hour and she's still yelling, accusing me of lying to her. FML

#20473723
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24909) - you deserved it (4137)

On 01/22/2013 at 8:35pm - misc - by I should have kept my mouth shut - United States (California)

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

#20485957
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35892) - you deserved it (4090)

On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

#20470936
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46500) - you deserved it (3971)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart and it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

#20477938
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30398) - you deserved it (3965)

On 01/25/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by really?!? - United States (Massachusetts)



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